October 4, 2012 by rebeccaannemarshall
Here I am, me, making a blog. It’s been a long time coming I suppose. Me scribbling in my journal every morning and afternoon thinking “lord am I ever witty, I should totally write a blog because this is awesome stuff” and then I go for my ritual smoke-to-re-read-what-I-just-wrote (that’s right I’m a smoker, I’ll quit… I’m working on it… maybe) and I think yea-yaw maaaybe… no. Yet, again, every time I start scribbling I have the same thoughts. So I figured HEY why not give it a try, at the very least I can type it out in good ol’ Microsoft and if it doesn’t sound awesome enough I’ll scrap it, right! Then I found a blog, and a most wonderful one at that, www.rantsfrommommyland.com would be its name. Then I realize, I don’t have to have a wonderfully adventurous and interesting life to write a blog (no offense to the obviously epic women who write that blog) IN FACT I can do exactly the opposite and have a wickedly wonderful one!
“But how?”, I ask myself, “Do I write one that is not like all the other witty-haha-funny-im-a-mom-too-and-that-is-so-funny-cause-its-true blogs that are out there”, (lord knows there are many) and then I thought, “WHO CARES! If even just my friends and family read this I’ll be happy and, well HECK, even if I’m the only one reading this it will probably still bring me joy”. (Is that sad?)
I, for as long as I have been contemplating doing this blogging thing, have been wondering how exactly you are supposed to go about the first one, “Do I just jump right to it or should I introduce myself?”, I think “well if it’s just my family and friends reading do I need to? Cause likeyaknow I’m awesome… but probably not the-whole-worlds-going-to-notice-me-right-away awesome”, but then its “Naw, I should probably introduce myself, yaknow, just in case I’m wrong and I really am that great” (by the way I really don’t talk this way but you have to admit it sounds better in a blog, plus if I talk in my normal really fast Becky talk it might be hardtokeepupbecauseItendtotalkwithoutperiods).
SO here we go. Here. We. Go. I am the mother of three wonderfully wonderful (I think I like that as a descriptive word) children. 1) Butt aka Bug aka Cheezle aka Chelsie (age 6, grade 1 genius), 2) Belly aka Bellerina aka Reenna aka Isabella (age 2, grade attitude), and 3) Mammy aka Mae Mae aka Jadey-Mae aka Jade (age 1 grade screamer level: expert). I am at the ripe old age of 24, although with three children I feel closer to… let’s say… 100. I am married (OK not really but only cause… well cause we have 3 money-eaters) but we are common-law which is close enough for me and we have been together for 5 years. His name is Jeff but we in this house call him Daddy doodle. (Let’s pretend he will never read this and know that I just told everyone that). We also have two dogs, shyla and kiki, or sh*t heads if you rather, and one cat, candle, or a*some, if you will (I threw the star in there as to not make her feel left out) and that is about it… Really, that is as extensively interesting as that gets. (Editor’s note: DISCLAIMER, CHEESE AHEAD: really I am absolutely in love with my family and if boring and simple is what we are then boring and simple is all I need)
Now let’s get on to it! I will start by pointing out that I tried very hard to think of really cool interesting, or dramatic, or controversial things to talk about as my first blog, you know to sort of START IT OUT WITH A BANG! However I am ashamed to say that I am really not that interesting! SO let’s start off with talking about cross walks “Did she just say she was going to talk about cross walks? Really? First blog? Trying to get peoples interest to read more and she chooses… crosswalks???”. Why yes! Yes I did. I. Hate. Crosswalks. I hate them downtown, I hate them in residential areas. I just hate them. Now I suppose it’s not fair to say it’s the actual paint-on-the-road that I hate, but I hate the people, placement and other peoples placement.
1) PEOPLE: WHY CANT YOU STOP! I SEE YOU SEEING ME! I mean it’s not like I am just a tiny little person (which I suppose, by myself, I am), I am a tiny person with A BIG FAT BLUE DOUBLE STROLLER and a 6 YEAR OLD CHILD standing beside me. I’m 2 kids short of a day home for craps sake!! I. Am. Not. Hard. To. Miss. And no, friends-who-have-stupid-advice I will not “just start going, if you just stand there and wait they will keep going, if you just step out they will stop”. First of all, you need to see a therapist for suicide prevention therapy. Second my “just stepping out” is the stroller… with my kids in it… thatisall.
2) PLACEMENT: OK city…town…village…hamlet WHOEVER you are, please stop putting stop signs next to crosswalks that are a) behind a tree, or next to a tree that has branches that feel the need to play peek-a-boo with it (mind you these trees should really be taught how to play because you are usually supposed to UNCOVER the object hence the A-BOO part), or b) right beside big massive power line poles so “apparently” people can’t see you when you are standing at the curb waiting to cross. You step to far back they don’t stop because they think they have time before you make it to the curb or … you step out… and I think we have already covered that.
3) OTHER PEOPLES PLACEMENT: Please, people when you want to cross the road in ← this direction, try not to wait for the traffic in → this or even in ↑ this or heck in ↖this or ↕ this direction. PLEASE STAND IN THE DIRECTION YOU WANT TO GO, YOU CONFUSE DRIVERS! This is annoying especially if they are in the front of the pack to cross the street (maybe because drivers think I’m with said directionally challenged person? Who knows). But also is annoying to those who are behind the wheel “~tap-on-the-break~ should I stop? Are they crossing? I can’t tell? Are they going the other way? Is It just a well-dressed hooker standing on the corner, or a business-women-crack-head who can’t find her dealer? ~never-mind-foot-off-break-person-is-too-confusing~”. So for all reading, soyaknow, prob just the fam, If you are planning on going left… face left…
Now if all people in all cities, towns, etc. could get the hang of this ^ that would make my walk to the Bug’s school bus stop that much less stressful for me! Because obviously these cities, towns, etc. need to get this fixed, were I ever to move there and need to walk the bug to a bus.
Now! I hate to cut it long but, I have got those things called children and they need atendintwo!
SO I shall say TATA!
Becky. A. M. (the A.M. stands for Awesome. Mom.)