October 6, 2012 by rebeccaannemarshall
In the spirit of the Canadian thanks-giving weekend I will not be adding a thanks-giving themed post (at least not today, and mostly because I had a brain fart about an awesome-super-interesting thanksgivingy thing to talk about). So to make up for that I’ll give you this
Instead. Lets talk about Dissocial mom. I feel like I need to have post here, right off the bat, and explain to you the reason behind why I decided such a title was necessary. I also want to clarify that MY dissocial really has no link to dissocial or antisocial personality disorder and I do not claim to suffer from it (nor would I want to). So please don’t get all shocked and OMG’ed if you google the word and read the links that characterizes it as someone who is practically borderline psychopath. Nope not me I’m just mom crazy. However, the fact that the actual sound of the word, dissocial or dis-social, pretty much describes me to a tee,(or what I would imagine the word sounds like it should mean)… As in, I’m awkward in social situations and a tend to attempt to avoid them whenever possible because yaknow I don’t want to cause the world envy with just how fantastic I really am. Oh and I also cleverly made that word in to an acronym … sort off.
First of all I want to point out that finding a semi-short word, ending in “ial” that was, not only, a description of myself (again by my make-believe definition) but also one that I was able to creatively put into a catchy, awesome sounding, blog title, is a task in and of it’s own. Then add to that, having to sit down and come up with descriptive words for a stay-at-home-mom’s state of mind, using only the letters from the settled upon word, and *sigh*. Needless to say it was a painstakingly long process. I mean, comeon I had to practically sit on the couch and google-explore like the WHOLE time my girls were napping. Its daunting stuff.
A good hour into nap time, a couple ripped-out-scribbled-on pages from my note book and 2 coffee’s later, and I HAD IT! I found my word, and I found my words to make that word wordier. As you may see, just below the title up there ^, it is pretty clever indeed! So there you have it!
NOW I am going to go through. Each. And. Every. Word. within that word and tell you a little bit of why exactly I chose it, or why it pertains to stay-at-home-motherness. Are you with me? OK, let’s get started!
Delirious : This usually starts out pro and ends up con. Here, I’ll give you an example. Imagine, if you will, the delirium of which you experience while peacefully drinking your coffee in silence, thinking gleefully, “How nice is this?”. This, pro, could last all of 2 seconds, OR long enough for you to get some scribbling done in your journal (we like scribbling). Then you have a moment of terrifying clarity. Silence. This. Is. Not. Good. You have forgotten, in your delirious state, that silence usually means that the devil is, temporarily, and ever so quietly, possessing your child and using their bodies as hosts to fulfill only the most horrific of crimes. You search around the house calling out like one of those doomed girls in the horror movies, “…Hello?… Belly?…Mammy?… Is anyone there?“, And then BAM-BOOM, you step on a
pile mountain of minty fresh tooth paste and slip, but ITS OK the pile mountain of use-to-be-folded-laundry they dumped on the floor catches your fall. This, often times, is one of the causes of my next word.
Irritable: Do to moments of which were described above, you may find yourself now to be a teeny-tiny bit irritable. OK maybe A LOT irritable. And not just a “Don’t you test me little one (insert the mommy head-tilt and wide-eyes, also known as, the look.)”. No, no, I mean more like “Did. You. Just. SMILE. At. Me????… Time out right now!!”, that kind of irritable. Although to be fair, usually said smile comes while you are ALREADY in the middle of a display of discipline about how it is, in fact, NOT OK to hit your sister just because she farted on your leg. OK even I will admit that is pretty funny, but hey the POINT is no a-smirking during my a-discipline, mmmkay. Also, cause I’m irritable, point or no point, cause I am Mom and that’s just the way the cookie crumbles.
Smelly: This one can also be caused by the first. Delirium often times results in forgetfulness, memory loss and/or just the common, ASSUMING you are delirious (yaknow cause you’re a
stuckstay-at-home mom). This can then effect how you smell. That’s right. For example, “Hmmm I can’t seem to remember if I brushed my teeth this morning?”, or, ” Have I already put deodorant on?”. Hey, maybe you DID put deodorant on and brush your teeth, but after chasing baby ninjas all day you now suffer from soggy under pits and a sweat glistening brow (yes it’s as sexy as it sounds). Also you have only had the time, and let’s face it, the desire, to eat dill pickle chips and maybe some of that left over garlic bread from last night’s dinner (Jeff can’t wait to give me a kiss and a hug when he gets home I’m sure). And what about the just assuming part? If you are like me you have had many a moment of beautiful dirty-handed hugs, a pat on the back, and then you go about your day wondering why, everywhere you go you have the stench of meatloaf stuck in your nostrils. You assume you must just be having another mommy-side-effect-moment, just a bout of delirium, until, nearing days end, someone asks “hey what’s that on your back”… Aha! And we meet again baby-snack-hand-smear!
Sleepy: Baby ninjas, the silent devils hosts, I don’t believe I need to say more.
Overwhelmed: see Sleepy, Smelly, Irritable and Delirious. (If there is an explanation needed for this one then you are either a. not a parent. Or b. not a parent.)
Cranky: a situation that is the result of Irritable and Overwhelmed colliding.
And that brings me to, drum roll please………. ……. (Side note: the dots are my drum rolls, case urwondering)
In. Absolute. Love: These last three letters are meant to be lumped together and there are many causes of this particular mommy-side-effect. However, we will cover only a few. People who experience InAbsoluteLove may have once been the object of target by a baby ninja, running, arms spread, lips pursed, to give your leg an attack *MUAH* hug, followed by an “I yub oo mama”. (dawww, *heartmelt*). InAbsoluteLove is also caused by being told, by your oldest, how beautiful you look when you are having one of your “O.M.G F.M.L, I totally look like a man today”, days. (*moremeltingheart*). And last but certainly not least it can be caused by freshly bathed, clean, jammied, cuddly-cute bundles of greatness, giving you monster bedtime hugs.
In general I guess what you can take from this is that, my kids drive me insane, cause me to permanently smell of… who knows, leave me with no energy which in turn makes me a little testy most of the time (sorry about that Daddy doodle), but if given the choice every day for the rest of my life, I would chose my family, every time, because I would, till the death of me, crave the InAbsoluteLove mommy-side-effect-moments.
OK I’ll cut the cheese. … By that I mean stop the mushy-gushy part. I leave you now to partake in the monster bed time hugs, and then some relaxing coach-potatoing. And I sincerely hope every one
is able to get through this weekend nerves still intact has an amazing thanksgiving!
See you again on Tuesday! TATA!
Becky A. M (Awesome Mom!)
……. Heh heh heh, oh. boy. Cut the cheese. That was a good one…… ……… I need some sleep