March 16, 2013 by rebeccaannemarshall
So I have been spending some time revising the look of my blog, little bits here and there, and during that, also adding to The Dissocial Glossary. I then found myself getting caught up in re-reading some of my own posts. The ones that I had the most fun writing or the most most fun reading, and that is what landed me here on today’s post.
When I had originally written the post Rule Rules Rules, The Dissocial Mom was still pretty new born (in fact in the grand scheme of things it really still is!) What I mean is that when I wrote the post I had little to no followers, aside from my most amazing friends and family of course! During my re-reading of these rules I was reminded of how much I LOVED writing it, AND reading it back was just as entertaining *brag*brag*brag*. So I decided to do another Rules based post!
Lets start off with a little look back of the original only-in-my-dream rules shall we?
1) I just spent the last 2 hours scrubbing toothpaste off the mirror and cleaning the toilet. If you wish to brush your teeth do it outside. If you wish to use the toilet do so neatly. Please do not hesitate to clean up after any fugitive bodily fluids that may have tried to make a break for it before making it to the toilet water.
2) I have now washed every dish we own for the 10th time in one week. New rule, no one touches the dishes in the cupboards, here is a paper plate and you can eat with your fingers.
4) Once it is dark outside my brain gets a signal saying that this means it is time to shut down for the day. I don’t care if it is winter and it gets dark at 430. No more sun means no more fun. It’s quiet time, sit down and color.
5) Once you have been bathed and you are in your clean and comfy pajamas you must sit on the couch and avoid any and all possible things that could get you dirty. And knowing you, my beautiful children, that pretty much means everything…..Continue reading entire post here!!
Here is an extension to the dream rules list, a mixture if you will, of rules AND guidelines! Lets see.. the last list ended with 15 rules? Lets start with rule/guideline number 16 then, ya!
16) I will no longer respond to I WANT!’s or MOMAY’s or grunts or screams or whistles or foot stomping or crying or wining. Throwing, hitting, squealing, scratching, or demanding. NO MORE OF THAT. Unless you turn down the devil’s attitude and ask me to do something for you nicely, I will sit down on the couch with my chips to myself and ignore it.
17) I actually really like most of the movies you three enjoy. Tangled, Brave, Barbie (sigh, yes I actually kind of like Barbie), Brother Bear, the list goes on and on. This DOES NOT mean that I want to watch it 5 times a day, every day, every week, every time someone turns the T.V on. New rule, I pick the movies and if we watched it yesterday we aren’t going to watch it again until next month… maybe.
18) When I say the potty room is not a party room, I’m not trying to be funny. Unless you are a) ACTUALLY using the toilet
b) brushing your teeth (NOT eating the toothpaste) or
c) washing your hands/face, then get out of my bathroom… please?
19) “Pick up your toys please” DOES NOT mean “make a farting sound with your mouth and stomp your foot”. This includes, but is certainly not limited to, “Don’t get paint on the table”, “Pick up the play-doh crumbs off the ground”, “Go throw away your granola bar wrapper, no it does not belong in the couch cushions.” Lastly, things like, “Go blow your nose”, “Stop picking your nose”, ” Don’t wipe your nose on the couch please”, and “Get your finger out of your nose” all belong in this group as well. The list really could go on… really.
20) Now, I am not sure why you all believe the opposite is true, but waiting until the moment I sit down and position myself into a comfortable spot IS NOT the perfect time to ask me to get up and get something for you. That’s about all I have to say on that one.
21) When, after repeatedly saying my name like the world itself is surely going to fall to pieces if I do not answer you IMMEDIATELY, please make sure that you have something to say. I understand you may have lost your train of thought midst the poking and shirt tugging and mom-mom-mom-momming, all I ask is that you at least say SOMETHING! Never-mind, I forgot, and/or silence will no longer cut it. Make something up if you must, it could be in that language you made up last week for all I care. Just please… say… something.
22) If you have previously asked me a question, at which time you had been given an answer, then you may no longer ask me that question again for the rest of the day.
23) Please be aware that, whilst I very much enjoy pretending to be Pinky Pie from My Little Pony or Rainbow Dash or any of the other colorfully unrealistic foals, I really have not an idea of what I’m to be doing. I do not watch/pay attention to the show… please stop getting mad me for not doing it right… I really thought it was Pinky Pie who made the apple pies, not Apple Jack… I’m sorry.
I think I will end it there!
What would be your dream rules or guidelines, if in a perfect world you could make them work? Or is there any message that you daydream getting across to your family/friends?
Until next Saturday! Ta ta!
P.S….. Nobutreally… Pinky PIE… I mean my confusion is not exactly “stupid”… any one could make that mistake…