May 25, 2013 by rebeccaannemarshall
Dear boo-bee’s (what?)
My Mae, I watch you now. Growing, talking, playing. Not so much a baby anymore, but like your sisters, will forever be my “baby”. I watch you play with the “big girls” and think about you, my babiest baby, and realize I have no real babiest babies left. Though it is possible that your father and I will have at least one more of you wonderful things down the line, for now you are the last, and sometimes this makes my heart sad.
I am aware it is a milestone for me. There seems to have been, for so long, a baby always in the picture. Even when you, Belly, were growing big girl and learning to walk and forming new sentences I knew I had myself another wee one waiting to join us, and that my tiny baby thirst would be quenched soon enough. A small version of empty nest syndrome it seems I am suffering, rather than the nest being empty however, it is just devoid of baby food and tiny diapers and this time I know there will be no thirst quenching, at least not in the foreseeable future. I like to think that this is all a perfectly normal thing to feel.
However I want to say to you my beautiful girls, that though I am currently experiencing… um empty belly syndrome?… that you all fill my life more than words could ever articulate, and I don’t just mean with busy days 😉 .
I could watch the three of you play all day, assuming you are getting along and not ripping apart each-others throats over who gets to play with which toy. It amazes me, even still, how entertaining simply watching your facial expression can be. Or how enthralled you look when you are watching a show you enjoy. If I watch long enough I see small smiles that I am not even sure you notice you are showing. Those are the best.
Mae I love, more than words, how much you love your sisters. How you are their shadow, how you watch them in smiley awe when they are doing something, how you constantly try to find ways to do what they are doing. I love how fearless you are, even when I have small heart-attacks when you climb up the back of the couch and throw yourself over the top. I wish for you that you will hold on to that same fearlessness as you grow.
Belly I love your attitude. Your little bit a “boy” with a whole lot of girly girl. Your love for princess dresses and playing in the dirt, your love for ponies and little toy cars. I even love your bossiness and the look on your face when you are telling someone whats what, and I am thankful that you can’t read this yet because I still have to pretend that I don’t find even the “bad” behavior ridiculously adorable. I wish for you that you will continue, as you age, without ever losing your strong mindedness.
Chelsie, my big girl, growing way to fast. I love how much you enjoy going to school, how you could literally be dripping snot like a river and I would still have to fight with you to stay home. I love how the only books you bring home from the school library are informational books rather then picture books, how you make me do research with you about whatever stuffed animal you are bringing that week for show-and-tell. I hope that you will never lose that enthusiasm for learning, ever.
As I watch you three grow it makes me both excited and terrified. I mean terrified.. 3 girls… inevitably 3 teenage girls…
It is hard, a lot of the time. Most certainly not a walk in the park. Yes I get frustrated, sometimes I yell when my plan of action for dealing with unruly behavior does not go as smoothly as I had it played out in my mind. I hate that you cry when you go on time outs, but you shouldn’t have thrown a barbie at your sister. At least once a day one or all of you are getting into trouble for one reason or another. I hate having to feel like the bad guy, and I hate when you think that I am. I am not blinded to the fact that as you grow older there will be fights and there will be words. I was a child once to you know and though I know it wont seem like it I WILL understand. At times it may seem like it is getting worse rather then better and I am prepared for that.
But I promise that the strings that are tied from my heart to yours are incorruptible and everlasting. They will never age or fray, will never split or knots unravel, can never be cut or torn or broken. So as you grow farther and farther away from being my babies, when you take your fearlessness, strong mindedness and enthusiasm with you, take that knowledge with you as well.
Having an I-have-no-more-babies-cry-baby moment,
Until next Saturday! Tata!!