A Scientific Look at Parenting


March 30, 2013 by rebeccaannemarshall

BAhahaha........ I love these things....... because they're  true...

BAhahaha…….. I love these things……. because they’re true…

So many times have I done, something, said something, or things are just a certain sort of way, and I would have myself convinced that I must be the only one. It is so relieving, not to mention funny, when whilst talking with another parent (or, hey, reading parent based blogs) I find out that I am in fact NOT alone. Some things that just seem so strange, end up being not strange at all.

When you become a parent, you see, there is a sort of chemical that is released into your brain that makes you a certain way, (this is obviously a very scientific fact…) studies have shown that this chemical occurs in NEARLY everyone once they enter parenthood. Proof of this study is simplified by the fact that there is just no other reasonable explanation as to why so many parents have so much in common, regardless of obviously having different children.

The scientific name for these chemicals is Aparentonin Thingorphins, also know as aperanthingorphins (pronounced a-paren-thing-or-fins). Here are some examples of what studies have show. These particular examples are the effects of aperanthingorphins in subjects who have one or more children. Aperentonin Thingorphins may be effecting you if…

· You consider the paint stains on every dishtowel and/or washcloth in your house, a completely normal thing.

· There is absolutely nothing gross about analyzing that massive poop in the diaper, because you are just amazed by the sheer size of it.

· You then tell your significant other all about said giant poop. Seriously though, it was freaking HUGE!

· In public, with out your children, people still say “Oh you must be a mom” because you subconsciously ALWAYS do the “sway”.

These chemicals seem to program your mind to tell your hips to constantly rock for baby soothing purposes… even if there is no baby on hand.

· Having a conversation on the phone consists mostly of telling your children to stop trying to break your eardrums screaming. This is usually followed by a heavy sigh and the ever popular saying “Yea, I’m probably just going to have to let you go.”

Contrary to popular belief this particular symptom is most defiantly caused by the chemical, however it may seem it is caused by the children themselves. The scientists involved in this study still have yet to conclude any solid reason as to why this might be.

· Saying “Do you need to go to bed?” Is your fall back weapon of choice when dealing with unruly children.

Studies have found that this particular sentence seems to be most effective in getting children to stop and listen. They believe that this may be a product of the chemical’s signals sent to the vocal cords, causing a pitch and tone that is highly intimidating when this sentence is being spoken.

· You can recite every word to the movie Wreck-it Ralph (or insert movie title here_______) 2 days after purchasing it…..

Again scientists believe this is an effect of the chemicals ability to hinder the brains need to explode after multiple showings of one same movie, in turn it also heightens its ability to hold on to information, causing you to be able to recall nearly every moment of said movie at the drop of a hat.

· Come 6:00pm, you count down the minutes until baby-bed-time and your first bottle glass of wine…………. what?

There has been no further studies towards what roll this chemical plays in this particular symptom, however it must be noted that about 80% of all test subject experience similar versions of this symptom.

· You get uncontrollably excited to see poop and/or pee inside the tiny toilet in your bathroom.

· You have a tiny toilet in your bathroom…..

While this is not necessarily caused by the chemical itself, scientists agree that it should be included in the results of this study, as it is OBVIOUSLY a parent thing… otherwise you are just a very… very strange person.

· Your most well utilized house cleaning product is a baby wipe.

· You realize it is just not sensible to bathe your children every day.

3rtad5-300x196Baby wipes… seriously those things are amazing!

It is believed that this occurs when the chemical is actually releasing in its lowest amount, rather then when the chemical is truly apparent within the brain. It seems to be the cause of what we call “being tired”, in which studies found most parents would simply choose to grab a wipe for their cleaning needs.

· Having to clean art work off the wall, 5 time outs, 2 bowls of spilled snack crumpled into the carpet and only one successful nap is a GOOD day.

What is believed to be the most important role this chemical has to play, is its ability to release an overwhelming amount of patience, studies are still in the process of finding out why it is that aparenthingorphins cause such patience, but it seems, again, to be present in about 80% of test subjects.

Well I best be going, I’ve got the last half of Wreck-it Ralph to finish watching and a bag of chips to clean up off the floor (sacrilege!)

On a very quick side note, if anyone here reading has been keeping up with my posts you know about my March Madness challenge (if not you can go have a peek and read more about it here!). Being as it is the end of the month I thought I would just do a very short and sweet update. As of today (which is actually the 24th) I am a mere 6000 words short of reaching my goal of 20,000 words for the month of march, and I am happy to inform you that my other goal of writing all blog posts ahead of time, instead of last minute, has been a complete and total success! Does (or did) anyone else have any goals they set for themselves for this month, through march madness or otherwise? I’d love to hear about it!

Also, if you feel you may be affected by Aparentonin Thingorphins please feel free to weigh in!

Until next Saturday! Tata!!

Becky A.M

Oh and just so as I don’t totally miss it, I hope every one has a most fantastic Easter holiday!

Happy Easter ME


27 thoughts on “A Scientific Look at Parenting

  1. blowingoffsteamandmore says:

    Ha! My youngest is 3 and I only just lost the “sway”. Happy and sad about it at the same time. Wine? Bottle. Always go for the bottle. Great post! 🙂

    • It really is crazy how many parents I know of young children who do the “sway” and how many times I have been approached at the grocery store with someone commenting “Oh you MUST be a mom!” It is confusing at first until they point to my hips and I realize I am rocking back and forth, sometimes I don’t even notice I am doing it! I’m glad you liked the post! 🙂

  2. This is great!

    p.s. My kids are 9 and 7 and I STILL buy baby wipes at Costco! They’re the miracle cleaning supply!

    p.p.s. Bathing every day may not be practical. Buy, hey, you’ve got baby wipes…put one in each hand, give the kid a good wipe down and you’re good to go!

    • Exactly! baby wipes are defiantly my go to cleaning supply, the girls even enjoy getting in on the cleaning action if I give them each a wipe. I’ve got clean walls all around the house about 3 feet up haha

  3. linbritt says:

    I was nodding away and actually giggling as I thought “yep, that’s me!!”

  4. I often find myself singing along to Laurie Berkner in my car out loud. On my way to work. Alone. Sometimes I’ll go 10 miles before realizing I can turn on my big boy songs! Is this a symptom?

  5. […] long parenting day is a cause for a glass of wine…a girl after my own heart! Her latest post, A Scientific Look into Parenting, had me rolling! It’s a must read for […]

  6. shellakers says:

    ou’ve been TAGGED! lol Congratulations and you can thank me later (or not)! lmbo I realize these things can be a pain and you really don’t have to be obligated to play. If you DO want to… go to this link and follow the rules Happy Monday!

  7. My3Monsters says:

    Reblogged this on My 3 Monsters and commented:
    Excellent post!

  8. Oh, that is just awesome! I am in mommy mode 24/7. I’ve even threatened my husband with very childlike punishments if he doesn’t stop pestering me while I’m trying to cook, without realizing it until he laughed at me. Analyzing poop….yep, done that! My daughter actually wanted me to take a picture of her poopoo in the potty to send her daddy at work. I so should have! 😉

    • OMG! My daughter DID persuade my wife to take a picture of one of her GIANT poo’s and send it to me while I was at work. I recieved it while I was in a meeting. Couldn’t concentrate for the rest of the meeting, I was chuckling too much. I am so pleased to have found someone who even considered doing that!

      • I just started laughing, ’cause I can totally picture that scenario! I thought I was bonkers for even thinking about taking the picture to send my hubby. I cackled pretty heartily about what his reaction would’ve been getting that photo at the fire station. Kids can make us do some wacky things, but it makes life more fun. 🙂

        • This was absolutely the best stuff I have read in a long time! Had me for real lol’ing. Too funny! I have never done the picture thing but I have actually brought the potty over to my husband after she had “the big one”, you know just so he could see it for himself!

  9. Ha ha! Nice one. I pretty much know the script to Finding Nemo word for word. For the love of god, make it STOP!

    Is there anything I can take for aparentonin thingorphins?!

  10. hahah this is an awesome post…”There is absolutely nothing gross about analyzing that massive poop in the diaper, because you are just amazed by the sheer size of it.” BAHAHAHHAH oh man i thought i was the only one

  11. My3Monsters says:

    OMG this is so funny….you should have posted it on April Fools Day!

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